


Never Enough

by Kylie Lee (kylielee1000)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Related, Language, M/M, Missing Scene, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-02
Updated: 2008-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-02 01:31:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylielee1000/pseuds/Kylie%20Lee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack talks. Daniel translates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: TheGrrrl and Sarah (who suggested the title)
> 
> AN: This went through several major, major rewrites, including a POV change. Thanks to my betas, who asked me to stick with it. I've always thought 2.16 "The Fifth Race" was delightfully slashy. This scene occurs right after Jack reprograms the computer, and it accounts for some of the ep's clearly missing time.
> 
> Originally posted April 7, 2004.

"You're not to touch anything else on this base without permission," I mimicked bitterly. General Hammond had not been pleased.

"Calm down, Jack." Daniel put his hand on my back and gently pushed me into the elevator. "You have to admit, it was kind of weird, you typing all that stuff into the computer—those Gate addresses."

I leaned against the back of the elevator as Daniel punched the floor button. "You'd think someone would say thanks. New Gate coordinates are hard to come by, you know."

"Sorry, tabulae?"

"What?"

"You said new Gate tabulae were hard to come by."

I beat my head against the wall. "Coordinates. I said coordinates."

Daniel looked at me, a slight crease in his forehead. "And what you did with that staff weapon. You know, the green power thingie."

I did my best to remain calm. I had indeed taken apart a staff weapon for its power unit. In my defense, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. "You've been talking to Carter, I see."

Daniel repeatedly pushed the lit floor button. "Yes, I have. We're all worried about you. You're acting strangely."

"Well, I don't know why I need the power thing."

I'd stuck it next to the plans I'd drawn. I didn't know where those had come from, either, or the math I'd written on Daniel's blackboard. I simply felt compelled to do these things. I'd just picked up the chalk and stuff just came out, fast, just like I'd walked straight to the weapons room and taken apart a staff weapon. I had no idea where I was going, why I was doing it, or what it meant. One minute, I was minding my own business, and the next thing I knew, I was looking at the green power unit and thinking, "Oh, yeah, that should do it." I just knew I had to do it, and if I was stopped, like when General Hammond made me stop typing in the computer, it caused almost physical pain. I had to give into the compulsion.

"So, Daniel, you really think that thing that grabbed my head downloaded a database into my brain?" That was Daniel's big theory. He liked it because it explained both the fun new language I was speaking and my sudden ability to type. The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. I turned when Daniel didn't follow me out. "What?" I said, annoyed, holding the elevator door open with my foot.

Daniel opened his mouth, and I knew he was going to repeat a word to me, a word I'd said, a word that made no sense.

"No," I said, shaking my finger at him. "No. Do not say it. Do. Not. Say. It."

Daniel shut his mouth.

I felt irritation rise. "Look, it just…comes out. I don't know where it comes from. I feel like I'm speaking English. You're the smarty-pants linguist. Can't you just pretend you understand me? Stop repeating all the words back to me. It bugs me. Context, right? You can figure out what I mean through context."

Daniel finally stepped out of the elevator, bumping into my shoulder, and we headed to the captain's desk. "I can figure it out _now_," he said. "You're transposing nouns and verbs to this new language, whatever it is, and those are easier for me to figure out through context, rather than, say, prepositions. Can I get you to come to my office tomorrow, have you do some more reading?"

"Daniel, I'd love to," I said. "Nothing would please me more. Absolutely nothing. You can count on me."

"Okay, okay, fine," Daniel said, backing off.

"VIP suite, please," I told the captain on duty.

The captain looked up blankly. "Um…," she said, and I sighed and turned to Daniel.

Daniel leaned over the desk. "Colonel O'Neill needs a VIP suite for the night. He's supposed to stay on base, General Hammond's orders."

"Of course, sir," the captain replied. She pointed down the hall. "Take suite 4." She scribbled something in a notebook and turned it around for me to sign. I wrote my name. At least that came out right. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Will do," I said.

"He says thanks," Daniel translated. I gave him a look and headed for suite 4. "Well, I'm sure you would have said thanks, if you'd thought of it."

I opened the door. "If you're going to translate, then translate what I say, not what you think I should say."

"You're right. You're right, Jack. I'm sorry."

"All right, then."

Daniel followed me in. "It's just that I feel strongly that this language is the key to something—the key to something very important."

"Meaning of life stuff, right?"

"Well, maybe. But on the simplest level, you're using this new language more and more and English less and less. It could have serious repercussions if you become unable to speak English and can only speak this new language. In which case, I want to be able to understand you." He blinked owlishly. "Jack, something—something weird and—and big is happening to you. It's really important to me that I be able to understand you if you become incapable of communicating meaningfully in English."

I considered Daniel. I'd been thinking about him a lot lately. This thing with the language, with P3R-272 and the alien machine there that had stuck all this stuff in my head, had changed Daniel, or maybe it was my changes that had changed him. He seemed really concerned about me, and he kept touching me, like he was trying to tell me something he couldn't say out loud.

"Why?" I asked.

Daniel hesitated. "It's—it's my job," he said at last.

There was a knock at the door, and Daniel opened it. "Sir, Daniel," Captain Carter said.

"Come on in," I said.

Carter's eyes flickered to Daniel.

"Um, advenis—come in," Daniel translated.

"Okay, thanks." Carter smiled at me, but it was a quick, nervous smile, not her usual warm smile. "How is he?" Her eyes darted, like she was afraid to look at me directly.

"I'm just peachy," I said.

"He's fine," Daniel translated.

"Will he be okay?"

I waved both arms. "Hello! I'm standing right here."

"It's getting worse, isn't it?" she asked.

Daniel nodded. "More and more of his language is this new, Latinate one. I'm worried that pretty soon he won't be able to speak English at all."

"Yet that time has not yet come," I said. "It's all loud and clear. Carter? I take it you wanted to see me?"

"Sir, I'm getting ready to do some serious work on the computer and I wanted to check with you. If you could tell me more about what you did, that would be really helpful. Really, really helpful."

I grabbed at my hair. They kept asking for explanations, and I didn't have any. "Okay, you're not getting this," I said. "I am not doing any of this on purpose. I have no idea—_no idea_—where any of this is coming from. I just do what I have to do."

"Sir?"

"I don't know what I did to the computer," I yelled. "I don't know why my words aren't coming out right. I don't know why I wrote that stuff on the blackboard. I don't know why I cannibalized the staff weapon. I don't know! None of it!"

"It's okay, Jack. It's okay."

Daniel, eyes wide behind his glasses, was holding out his hand, like I was a dog or something. He looked like he was just about to jump a foot in the air and scurry off. I gave him a long look, like I was deliberating.

"That's right. Put it down. Please."

I looked down at the lamp in my hand. I wasn't sure how it had gotten there. I didn't remember grabbing it. I looked at Daniel.

"Come on, Jack. That's right."

I looked back down at the lamp, and I knew what I had to do. There was only one right thing to do, and I did it: I ripped the cord out of the wall and threw the lamp, as hard as I could, against the wall. It took out the security camera, which was just a bonus, because I hadn't been aiming at it. It made a nice crash.

Daniel backed away. "Okay, now that was…that wasn't good. I think Major Aldara just redecorated the VIP suites."

I knelt by the smashed lamp and picked through the debris. There—and there. I picked out components.

"Um, sir, what are you doing?" Carter asked, leaning over me.

"I need this stuff," I said. I stood on the dresser to view the security camera. I hadn't meant to take it out, but it had a lens thing that looked good and hadn't cracked, so I took that too. I looked at the components in my hand, and I just knew where they had to go. I could see it all in my head, all at once, and I couldn't wait—I absolutely couldn't wait. I had to see if they would fit with the items I'd already collected. I really, really needed to see if they would fit.

"I know it's late," I said, "but I need to put this together." I hopped down from the dresser and started for the door.

"No, no, no, no, no." Daniel stepped in front of me and put his hand on my chest to stop me. "You aren't supposed to touch anything. You need to stay here."

I looked up at Daniel, then down at his hand. When I looked up again, Daniel quickly removed it and edged back. "I don't think you should try and stop me," I warned.

"Jack."

"Colonel," Carter started.

I feinted around Daniel, but Carter blocked me before I could get to the door. Defeated, I snatched up the small metal trash can. It made a very nice noise as it crashed into the night stand and toppled it. The drawer came open, and the contents spilled out. I squinted. It looked like a Gideon's Bible was in there.

"Jack, cut it out!" Daniel yelled. He wasn't being soothing any more. At the same time, Carter said, "Colonel O'Neill!" in her sharpest voice.

The violence was the only thing that expressed how I felt: the double frustration of having nobody understand a damn word I said, and at being physically restrained from going to my workbench and putting together the device that I knew I had to build. I had things to do. I had to do them now.

"You have to let me go." Pillows thud when tossed with enough force. I was running out of ammo. "Damn it, Daniel! Carter! Let me go!"

"All right, that's it!" Daniel dodged the pillow, and he tackled me. The bastard tackled me. I guess I knew intellectually that he was bigger than me, but now, as he managed to wrestle me onto my stomach and pin me down, I knew it physically too. "Cut it out! You're scaring Captain Carter!"

"Hey!"

Daniel took it back. "Okay, you're scaring me. Sam, I think I'd better spend the night with him. I'll keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't sneak out and—and do something weird."

"Would you let me up?" I complained. I tried to struggle. Daniel had my wrists pinned to my back. "I do not need to be baby-sat."

"What did he say?"

Daniel gave me a little shake, and I set a cheek on the ground. It was hard to breathe with him sitting on my back. Daniel said, "Something about babies. I think."

"Babies?" Carter sounded confused.

"Baby-sat," I clarified. "I do not need to be baby-sat. Get off, would you?"

Daniel eased up. "Promise you won't try to leave. That you won't throw around any more furniture."

The compulsion to leave was fading. Instead, I was aware of the warm, solid weight of Daniel on top of me. Daniel had been touching me a lot lately, little friendly pats, comradely claps on the back. I hadn't really imagined that Daniel would ever sit on me. Now that he was, I was too pissed off to enjoy it. It was stubbornness more than anything that made me say, "No."

Daniel shook me again. "I guess I could sit on you all night, but you're kind of uncomfortable. Promise me."

"No."

Daniel tried another tack. "Okay, promise me about the no-leaving thing, and you can throw around all the furniture you want. We can tell Major Aldara that you just really hated the color scheme."

"It does kind of suck," I said. "Especially the carpet color." It was blue.

"Please, Jack. Just wait until tomorrow. Okay?"

I tried to inhale. I knew that Daniel would literally sit on me all night if he had to. Or worse—he would get people to take turns, so they could take bathroom breaks. And even if I was thinking inappropriate thoughts about Daniel, spending the night with him in the VIP suite was way better than being locked up in a cell, which was going to happen next if I didn't cave.

"Yes," I said. "I promise."

"Okay then."

Daniel stood up, and I rolled onto my back and gasped. He was big and heavy, and I should have been glad that he wasn't sitting on me any more, but I had liked the weight and pressure.

"He says he'll stay," Daniel told Carter. "We can figure all this out tomorrow."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Carter worried. She stepped carefully around me. I crossed my legs, put my hands on my stomach, and checked out the color scheme of the ceiling. It was white. I wasn't going to move.

"I'll be fine," Daniel said. "It's Jack I'm worried about. It's scary when nobody understands you. Jack really needs someone right now."

"Do you really understand me?" I asked. "Or are you just faking?"

"I can really understand you," Daniel said. "Except your word order is a little funky—not what I'd expect from studying the daughter languages. It's really interesting, actually. I'm hoping for some insight into the grammatical structure. I'm hoping we can talk a little more so I can get a better sense of it."

I sighed. My brain had been fried by an alien device—and probably not for the last time, either—and Daniel was thinking about all the linguistic breakthroughs he could make by listening to me speak.

"Do you want me to get Teal'c to relieve you?" Carter asked. "He's doing that meditation thing right now. I'd stay, but I have fix the computer, and anyway—" She shrugged. She meant that she was a woman and it was inappropriate for her to be here.

"No, it'll be fine." Daniel ruffled his hair. "If I run into problems, or if Jack escapes—"

"I would not do that," I said. "I promised."

"—then I'll just pull the alarm, or tell one of the guards, or something."

"Well, okay," Carter said, but the tone of her voice made it clear that she doubted she'd find both of us alive in the morning. "Good night, then. Sir."

I gave a mock salute. Daniel escorted Carter to the door, and they whispered for a minute before Carter gave another look back and left. They were conspiring. I could sense it.

"Do you want to clean up?" Daniel asked. "The room, I mean."

I sighed. "Yes," I said, getting up. I placed the new components I'd gathered carefully on the dresser and then tossed the pillows back on the bed. "I guess it's getting late. We should go to bed."

Daniel dug through the dresser. "There's pajamas in here," he said as I set the night stand back on its legs. And without another word, he started taking off his clothes.

"Whoa," I tried to say, but nothing came out. I stood there, holding the Bible that had fallen out of the night stand, as Daniel stripped down to his briefs, and suddenly, all I could think about was the way Daniel had been touching me lately, and how much I had wanted it to mean something. I could no longer ignore all the things about Daniel that I'd been really, really good at ignoring so far—like the way he ran his fingers through his too-long hair, or the way his broad shoulders tapered down to his waist, or the way the muscles in his arms were defined. I remembered the way he'd sat on me, pinned me to the ground, and I knew exactly what it would feel like to have him on top me, but face to face, and right then, I wanted that so much that I couldn't breathe.

"Captain Carter is worried about you," Daniel said, sticking his arms into a clean T-shirt. He took his glasses off and pulled the shirt over his head. I swallowed. He peered down at his chest near-sightedly. "Is this too small?" he asked. "It feels kind of…tight."

It was. It definitely was. It was way, way too tight. It defined his chest and made his arms look strong. The contrast with his ass and legs wasn't bad either. Suddenly, he wasn't the geeky, clueless guy that I'd convinced myself was reaching out to me in simple friendship. He was a man. The way he'd touched me when we got into the elevator—he'd been almost tender. He couldn't have been doing it on purpose. He felt sorry for me. Language was his expertise, and suddenly, he was the one who could help me, instead of the other way around.

I did not need this right now.

"Yes," I managed.

"I thought so." Daniel took the T-shirt off. I took in the way his arms flexed as he pulled it over his head. "I guess it's your size." He put his glasses back on and pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms next. This time he looked at the tag. While he sorted through the pajamas, I put the Bible back in the night stand and shut the drawer gently. My hands were shaking, just a little. Daniel was just a few feet away, wearing nothing but his briefs and socks, totally oblivious. I felt like I'd been hit by a train. "Okay…here. These should fit me." He stepped into the pajama bottoms and pulled them up. "Jack? Are you all right?"

"Fine," I said, maybe too quickly.

Daniel's mouth opened, but he didn't say anything. His eyes dropped down, then back up. We just looked at each other. The silence lasted a few seconds too long.

"You know, maybe I'll just—I'll go in here and—and brush my teeth," Daniel said, backing up. He indicated the bathroom with his thumb. "The um, the bathroom. I'll be in there." He grabbed the T-shirt he'd been wearing before, one that fit, and went into the bathroom. He shut the door, and I leaned down to continue picking up. The door opened just a few seconds later. This time, Daniel was wearing the T-shirt. "Except—toothbrush. I need a toothbrush. And toothpaste. Which is—right here. Okay. Um—excuse me."

I waited until I heard water running. I changed into pajamas as fast as I could, then started picking up again. Maybe Daniel wasn't as oblivious as I thought he was. But he was a coworker, even if he wasn't in the military, and I was his commander. And, maybe more important, he was married. I'd seen him with Shau're. She was beautiful, and he loved her. He kept a picture of her on his desk. He'd said it himself: every time he stepped through the Gate, he hoped he'd find her on the other side. It had been more than a year since the goa'uld had taken her and made her a host, a year since she disappeared somewhere in the network of Gates.

I was fiddling with the components from the lamp and security camera when Daniel came out.

"Jack," he started, and I knew he'd been thinking about what to say, ever since he'd noticed my erection.

I barely looked at him as, holding my own toothbrush, I went into the bathroom and shut the door in his face. I turned the tap on and rested my forehead against the mirror. "Shit," I said. I listened carefully when I said it. "Sh—ii—t," I tried, exaggerating the enunciation. It was no good. My brain said I was saying "shit." I felt my mouth form the "sh" and the "t." But something else came out. The word I heard with my ears didn't sound dirty enough, or mad enough. It didn't begin to capture how I felt.

I wanted to give Daniel enough time to get dressed, so he could suddenly change his mind about spending the night in the same room with me. When I went back out, he'd apologize and say that maybe it would be better if I stayed alone. Or he'd get Teal'c to come by instead. So I took a shower. I didn't have a razor, so I couldn't shave, but I brushed my teeth and flossed. I did everything I could think of to do. I was squeaky clean when I opened the bathroom door.

Daniel was sitting on the bed, flipping through the Bible, waiting for me. He tossed it onto the night stand when I came out. He was still wearing his pajamas. "Some light reading," he said in explanation. "It's the only book in the room."

I walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled back the covers. "Can you hit the lights, Daniel?" I asked as I crawled in. I turned my back to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't get that," Daniel said. "Did you use slang? Try it without slang."

I sighed. "Can you please turn off the lights, Daniel?"

"Oh. Okay." I felt the mattress move as Daniel got up. "It's cool to hear a case ending on my name," he said. The lights went out, and Daniel got in bed beside me.

"Daniel," I said wearily.

"See?" he said. He was clearly delighted. "Nominative and vocative take the same form, like in Latin."

"Go to hell, Daniel," I said, because we were going to pretend it never happened, and that worked for me.

"And I like that I don't have to learn the language. I can just talk and you understand me. Although—can you understand me now?"

"Yes," I said.

"What does it sound like?"

"What do you mean, what does it sound like?"

"Like English?"

"I guess so."

"Sorry, say that again?"

I sighed. "Yes," I said. "It sounds like you're speaking English."

"I was trying out Ancient. How about this?" Daniel said something that I didn't understand at all.

"No," I said. "I'd like to sleep now."

"That was German," Daniel said. "Just testing."

I turned to face him. There was a dim light from a night light plugged into one of the electrical sockets, so there was just enough light to see the way to the bathroom. Daniel had taken his glasses off. "Please, Daniel," I said.

"Look, I'm sorry. I was just—I wasn't ready. I was surprised. I didn't handle it—I mean, do you want to talk about it now? Now that it's dark?"

I shook my head. "There's nothing to talk about."

"I think there is."

"It's words, Daniel, and I'm fresh out of words. In case you hadn't noticed."

"Words aren't everything, Jack," Daniel said. "There are things besides words. There are a million ways to communicate. And I guess—I guess I haven't been doing too well, communicating with you."

"You're doing fine," I assured him. "You've got this language thing down."

"No, Jack, you don't get it. I understand you. You're not alone."

I laughed, a short, unfunny bark, and started to roll over.

"Jack," Daniel said, and the intensity in his voice made me turn toward him. His eyes looked bright in the half-light. He hesitated, just for a second, and I thought he was going to try to talk again, but instead, he kissed me.

I froze, and my heart started pounding.

"Jack," Daniel said softly, lips against mine. His arm slid around me, and he hitched his body closer to mine. He took my hand and put it on his erection. My hand automatically closed around the rod of his cock. He felt thick and hot. I could feel how hard he was through the thin fabric of his pajamas. He repeated, and this time it had a whole new emphasis, "I understand you, Jack. You're not alone."

I felt his tongue touch my lips, very lightly, and I opened my mouth and let my tongue brush his. I felt a shiver go through me, and just like that, we were kissing, shy at first, and then harder, and Daniel rolled on top of me and got his hand under my shirt, and I got my hands under his shirt, and while we kissed, I stroked his back, feeling the faint prickle of his body hair. His weight sank on top of me, pinning me down, and I felt the heat of that large, hard cock against mine. All the terror and fear I'd been feeling about what was happening to me got replaced with a whole new kind of terror and fear, the kind of anticipatory terror and fear when you decide to do something incredibly stupid but you don't care.

"Is this okay?" Daniel whispered a few minutes later.

"Please don't talk," I said. "Please don't stop."

I pulled at his T-shirt, and Daniel took it off. He slid my shirt up and pressed his bare chest against mine. He stuck his knee between my legs, and I grabbed his ass as he pulled my pajama bottoms down. He felt just as warm and alive and heavy as he had when he had had me pinned to the carpet. He kissed me again, just as his hand wrapped around my dick, and I started gasping for air, because it felt good. It felt really, really good.

"Jack," Daniel whispered. He kissed my jaw, moving over to my ear. His breath was moist. He was breathing hard too. "Jack," he said again, and he sucked my earlobe into his mouth.

It was almost too much. I felt it all the way down to my cock, and my hands squeezed his ass. I slid one hand in underneath the pajama bottoms and rested my hand in the little hollow just above his ass cheeks as Daniel stroked me with his mouth and his hands.

"There," Daniel said breathlessly, nuzzling my neck. "And there." He moved to my shoulder. "All these parts of you I've wanted to know about. Like here." He put his mouth on my nipple. My cock jerked in his hand at the sensation. He bit my nipple, then licked it hard, and I clawed at his pajama bottoms, until I had pushed them down past his hips. His cock was literally hot to the touch, and it was big. It filled my hand completely, all velvety hard. Daniel sucked on my nipple while we stroked each other's dicks. I managed to kick off my pajama bottoms, but I liked the feeling of my shirt rucked up by my chin, exposing myself to Daniel's touch. When I tried to push Daniel over on his side, so I could press my body against him, he resisted. "No," he said. "I'm not done tasting you." He scooted lower, so I had to let go of his cock, and he kissed my chest. When I tried to move him again, he put his hands on my hips. "No," he said, more firmly this time, and I relaxed my legs. He clenched his fingers, and I felt myself get harder, because sweet, gentle Daniel suddenly wasn't either of these things. He was bigger than me, and he could hold me down if he chose to, just as he'd pinned me to the floor earlier by sitting on my back. He could do whatever he wanted to me. "This is what I need."

Daniel put his mouth on my cock, and I had to shut my eyes, because it was what he wanted, and I wanted it too. His mouth was tight and hot, and he knew what to do with his tongue. He swirled it around the head, then licked up and down the shaft. He made little noises, like he was getting off by sucking me. The obvious pleasure he took in me made me hotter. One of his hands came down to squeeze the base of my cock. He used his mouth and hand in tandem, sliding up and down, until I gave a little gasp of warning. He let me go, and I shuddered, trying to regain control, trying not to come right then and there.

"Here," Daniel said. He grabbed a pillow, and I moved so he could get it under my ass. "Just like that. So I can reach all of you."

"Oh, Christ," I said as he lowered his head again. Instead of my cock, he took in one of my balls. I spread my legs to give him access and started moaning, because he could do whatever he wanted to me, and he wanted to make me come.

"The way you taste," Daniel said. His voice was low and rough. "Jesus, Jack." He used his tongue to give my balls sharp, hard licks. He brought my knees up and dipped his head lower.

"Daniel," I said, because I was shaking, because I wanted it so much, because I wanted him so much.

"Mmm," Daniel responded. I felt his fingers play where his mouth had been, and he urged my ass up a little more, and I grabbed the sheets when I felt him slide his tongue just inside me. I felt it like a shock, right in my balls. Daniel's tongue probed again and again, going a little deeper each time, until his mouth was kissing me as his tongue fucked me. No one had ever done that to me before. It made me feel liquid inside. And Daniel kept making little noises, like he was just about to come, because of what he was doing to me.

I started to thrust, and Daniel slid his finger into me, where his tongue had been a second before. The hardness of it felt just right after the softness of his tongue. "That's right," he said as I squirmed on his hand, driving him deeper. "Hold on—" He fumbled a little, but he managed to get two fingers inside. My moaning was continuous now. "Oh, Jesus, Jack," he said, grabbing my cock with his free hand, and when his mouth took my cock in, I arched my back and came. It was exquisite. I felt every pulse of my balls, every squeeze of my cock, and through it all, I rode Daniel's fingers.

I collapsed back on the bed, heart racing, and touched Daniel's head to let him know it was okay to let me go. He drew his fingers out first, then slowly sucked up and down my softening cock. He released me and, awkward because his pajama bottoms were still around his legs, he clambered over me so he was to one side. He hadn't come yet. I made to roll onto my side so I could return the favor, but he pushed me back.

"It's my clean hand," Daniel said.

I took the proffered fingers into my mouth and started to suck. His skin was a little salty, and I could feel the bones in his fingers and the sharp edge of his fingernails. I sucked his fingers as though they were his cock, trailing my tongue along their length, taking them in as far as I could. Daniel knelt so he was looming over me and grabbed his cock. He started to masturbate. When I picked up the pace, he did too. I could see his chest rise and fall as he gasped for breath, and there was a faint sheen of sweat on his skin. Seeing Daniel like that, open to me, open to pleasure, made me gasp. I grabbed his wrist and began sucking his fingers hard and rhythmically, because I could feel how close he was, and more than anything, I wanted to make him come. I wanted him to erupt and know that I had done that to him.

Daniel said, "Oh, god, Jack," and leaned over me. I felt warmth flood across my belly as he orgasmed. I felt his hand clench as I kept up the pressure on his fingers. "Oh, Jack, that feels—don't stop—" he said, and I didn't stop. "Oh, please." Daniel pushed his hot cock against my skin and rubbed it against me as he spurted again and again. He slumped forward and panted, "Oh, Jesus." He ran his hand through the semen on my stomach and curved his hand around my cock, spreading the warm slickness. I let his fingers go, and Daniel collapsed next to me. "When you came," he whispered. "Oh, god. When you came. I could feel you around my fingers." Daniel put his arm around me and kissed my hair.

"Daniel," I whispered, and for a while, we just lay together, panting. I'd think about Daniel kissing me, or Daniel's tongue inside me, or Daniel coming on my belly, and my breath would hitch, because it had felt so good, so damn good, and he was here beside me, and I'd wanted that for a long while. And even though, when I was alone at night, I'd imagined making love with Daniel, I had never imagined the reality—his taste and scent, his enthusiasm, his aggressiveness. I had never imagined the noises he made when he sucked me, or the velvety texture of his penis.

Daniel brushed his fingers against my face. "It's been a couple months now," he said softly. "When I wake up in the middle of the night and look over and the bed is empty, on some level, it still surprises me. That I'm alone again. But a couple months ago, I started wanting you. It's like I opened up my eyes one day and looked around, and there you were. I step through the Gate, hoping she'll be there, on the next planet we find, and then I realized that as I stepped through the Gate, you were right there beside me. I guess I'm—I'm lonely. But I'm married, and you're a man, and you're my boss, and you're in the military. But I wanted you. And I thought you wanted me."

"I do," I said. He had no idea how much. Our bodies said all the things we couldn't put into words. I wanted and needed him with some quality deep inside me that I didn't understand. I touched Daniel's face. "I never cheated on Sara," I said, and I didn't care whether he could understand me or not. "I'd drive by cruising places in the park and I'd go right on by. And then Charlie came and that was—that was great. That was the best thing ever. It made everything worth it. But it's all gone now." I hadn't started over, because I didn't want to do that again with a woman, and building something with another man was out of the question until I retired from the military. I'd pushed the part of me away that wanted other men, but it was a big part of me. Mostly, now it was just too late.

"I love Shau're," Daniel said. "Or maybe, now, I love the idea of Shau're, what she represents—you know. Kids. A regular family life. I have things I need to say to her, things I need to tell her. We've been apart as long as we've been together. But I missed this." He pulled me close, and I rested my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, because this is really selfish of me. I'm not free. But your words are leaving you, and I had to let you know. I had to let you know that I understand you and that you're not alone. I had to let you know how I feel."

"I want you," I said simply. "But I have to go."

In the darkness, Daniel nodded. "When?" he asked.

"Soon." It was hard, because we'd just found each other, and Daniel had already lost one person through the Gate. "It's just—"

"What?"

There were no words. Words would never be enough.

"Just this," I said, and kissed him.


End file.
